I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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