I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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