the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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