she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
