I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
3 2 1 whiskey
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
