Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
