we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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