True but thats because hes a fetus.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
