dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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