Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
