Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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