Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
