I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
