So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
