Nicole vs. Life
Is it because I queefed?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
