Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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