my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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