Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
