plz talk dirty to me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
