I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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