Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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