matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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