just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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