That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
