There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
