She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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