Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
