i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
