just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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