my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
