xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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