Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
