I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
