She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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