i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
