where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
