Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
