gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
