yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
