Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
