I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
