You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
