I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
