I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
