my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
