too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
