weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
