just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
