guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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