There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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