I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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