Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
