Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
