Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
