she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
