weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
