why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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