I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
