Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
