I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
