Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
