Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
