and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
