Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
