Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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