I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
