Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
