well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
