You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As shirtless as possible
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
