I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
