Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
