Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
