T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
