I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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