I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
