It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
