turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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