No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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