If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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