On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
