just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
