Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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