my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
